Good Bye 2011!!

I'm writing from Boston.  Got here earlier this week and was able to spend Christmas with Doug and his Family.  It's been a great trip but I'm also ready to get home. 

Almost two weeks ago I got one of the most devastating phone calls I could have received... My friend Alison passed away from a long battle with breast cancer.  It eventually spread to her lungs and was incurable.  As I have written before, she was my back bone in dealing with  this mess.  All the while, she never led on to the fact she was suffering and in immense pain.  Her service was beautiful as I would expect and there were tons of people in attendance.  I was able to say good bye to her and thank her again for everything she has done for me and all the strength she has given to me.  I don't know if she ever quite knew how much she meant to me.  I will miss her more than I can put into words. 

I turned 32 last week - the day of Alison's funeral.  Glad to have come to another birthday but felt a little guilty celebrating too.  With cancer all you can do is look forward to a birthday.  They become even more special.   I know Alison would have wanted me to celebrate also.  We celebrated with a wine tour to Fredericksburg in a Hummer Limo.  It was great fun! 

I wear my pink ribbon even more proudly than I ever have.  Proud of the family I have made in this process and the friends I have made. I feel VERY lucky to have developed the bond I did with Alison - even if it was for a short time.  I'm proud that Alison fought for as long as she did and gave it her all.  She's with her mom now and leaves behind a devoted husband, her 4 yr old son, and lots of family and friends.

Here are the tattoos Doug and I got a few months ago:  Unfortunately noone is immune to this disease and all we can do is raise awareness and money for research. 

Yesterday I received a call from another friend.  He had another friend approaching a double mastectomy todday.  He gave me her number and I called her.  I needed to give her a comforting voice as that is what I had.  The mastectomy is such a scary ordeal and all you need is someone who understands.  I look forward to meeting her in person very soon once healed.

I'm saying goodbye to 2011 in style and with mixed emotion.  This was the year of the ultimate fight of my life.  This year tested every relationship I have made along the way with God, my parents, my children, my husband, and my friends.  It's been a roller coaster of ups and downs and learning and dealing.  My body has been put to the test physically and emotionally.  But on a brighter side, I have learned so much about myself!  I have learned that I am stronger mentally and physically than I EVER thought I was.  I also found a calling and met some incredible people.  I have made some LONG lasting friendships that I will forever be thankful for.  However, I'm READY to bring in 2012! 

Thank you again for an amazingly CRAZY BEAUTIFUL year and all of your support and strength through it all! 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart"

Christmas Magic and Our Elf

Christmas is upon us!  The chilly wet weather makes it feel even closer.  I brought out the Uggs and dusted them off and my feet have lived in them. 

This year we adopted a New Tradition.  This little Elf arrived at our home.  Austin and Addie thought about the names Speedy and Clyde and eventually settled on the name Speedy.  If you don't know the story "Elf on a Shelf", it is about an Elf who has CHRISTMAS MAGIC and while the kids are sleeping he travels to the North Pole and reports to Santa.  Before you wake up, the Elf is back and usually in a different hiding place (if he hasn't forgotten). 

Our Speedy is a clever one.  He likes to come up with fun activities.  Here are some recent photos below.  He's got some other hiding places he is working on until we leave for Boston.

 
I had breakfast with my dad today.  He asked "what was your biggest fear in dealing with breast cancer?".  I immediately answered "death".  Scared that I wouldn't be around for my family, my friends, or be able to watch my children grow up.  After answering this I felt like I needed to explain. 

I explained to my dad that thinking about death was scary and so scary that I didn't share it with anyone.  I also told him that I feel somewhat fortunate to have experienced this.  This may sound crazy, but I am so happy that I see life and the world through a new set of eyes!  My visions are much more different than they ever were. 

My dad mentioned the Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying".  Ever since chemo ended, that song has become my motto and when I hear it, I can't help but cry.  I was so suprised that he had heard it like that too! 

Heres the song if you aren't familiar with it.  It really sums up my feelings: Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw  I love to think about tomorrow being a gift, forgivness, Love, being KIND, and flying out of your comfort zone. It also reiterates that having that chance to live like you were dying is a really good feeling. 

So ... It is with GREAT EXCITEMENT when I say - I am going back to school!!  Yes, 10 years later and 32 years old.  I am pumped, excited, nervous, and SO thankful for the opportunity!  Since my views of life have changed so drastically lately, I had a thought recently that the reason this all happened to me this year was so that I could help other women facing this terribly crazy disease and offer them hope and peace as they cope and deal.  I'll be going after my a nursing degree so that I can be a certified Registered Nurse.  This will probably take 3-4 years to do, but I'm committed!

Alison Thibert was my rock when I was diagnosed.  She was my back bone and my sounding board.  She listened to all of my thoughts (even as crazy as they were) and told me what to expect. She met me for drinks over lunch and remained calm when I freaked out.  I hope to continue to pass this to other women that may be fearful and at the same time have others confide in me because "I get it".  The family surrounding breast cancer is an absolute miracle and I couldn't have managed with out them.  Meeting new people on this journey has made things a lot easier on me.  My fears have subsided tremendously.  I was embarrassed and ashamed that I "caught" the breast cancer at first. I now know it isn't about that.  We are only given what we can handle and put in this situation to help anyone else along the way that may be terrified and feeling those initial feelings after diagnosis.

December 2011

A few weeks ago Doug and I headed out to Vegas.  It was a work trip but we definitely had some fun too!  I think I get better with gambling every year.  I sat at a Black Jack table for 4 hours and only lost $5 by the end of the night.  That's MY kind of gambling :)  We bowled, gambled, and learned a lot more about the vacation rental business we currently have. 

See what we've learned:  Vacation Rental Biz

We arrived back in Austin on Saturday from Vegas.  We hustled and bustled to get ready for my biggest party I've ever had.  We participated in the Race for the Cure and celebrated finishing it with a Champagne Celebration at my house.  It was a perfect day!  We had about 50 people do the walk with us.  Back at our home we had about 100 people come to celebrate with us.  A few survivors were here but most importantly my family and friends gathered to celebrate a beautiful day of life, triumph, and VICTORY!

If it were up to me (and i think it is), I plan to do this EVERY YEAR!  No pressure, lots of food, and GREAT company.

Here are some photos:

December crept up on me and I wasn't prepared.  Obviously I've had a lot on my mind this year.  After Thanksgiving, the shopping began and the schedule got over booked as usual.  We are hosting a baby shower for Laura Renfro this weekend and we have our annual Santa's Brunch.  So looking forward to it!

On Christmas Eve, we are leaving for Boston.  We are taking the kids and will be there for one week.  As much as I love going there, I often get home sick.  Christmas time tends to make me feel even more homesick.  BUT we haven't been to Boston for Christmas in 5 years so it's time.  I'm looking forward to it this year.  I'm looking forward to seeing the neice and nephew who are Austin and Addison's ages.  Getting the Christmas gifts there has been somewhat of a challenge but I'm pretty good at dealing with challenging things now.

I've realized that life is SO short and you have to make the most of it while you are here.  My attitude has changed tremendously this year and I'm so greatful that I have the chance to experience my life through a different mind set.  I know that many of you can relate.

I was recently told by someone going through breast cancer and treatments that meeting me was "a life changing experience".  Wow, that's SO powerful to hear.  I met Courtney Lasater at chemo.  She had just been diagnosed in July.  She's almost finished with chemo treatments - YAYY!!  She called me the other day and told me that during one of her recent treatments, she saw a young woman who looked scared and because of what I had done for her, she decided to walk over and talk to her.  It's all about Paying it Forward.  And I want to continue to Pay it Forward for the rest of my life.

I have never been so anxious for the New Year.  I'm waiting patiently to move away from 2011 (the year of the breast cancer diagnosis) and into 2012 where my hair will be here and I can continue to make a difference in others.  I look forward to my healthy life and spending time OUT of the hospital and dr appts.  It's gonna be a GOOD year!

So much has gone on in the last couple of months!  I've been enjoying life and living it to it's fullest!! 

Here's a picture from my Bike Race.  The Mamma Jamma was held in October.  My friend Courtney and my cousin Meredith rode the 27 miles with me.  Jason cheered us on! 

I hadn't been on a bike in years, much less riden that far!  I was sore but SUPER proud of myself for completing all TWENTY-SEVEN MILES!

After the race Doug and I took off to the Bahamas in celebration of our 6th Anniversary and Chemo Completion.  - It was just what I needed.  My previous entry details our trip.

Soon after I attended the Bike Race I participated in the Stilletto Stampede.  the Stiletto Stampede is also for the Susan G Komen Foundation.  It was a TON of fun.  My friend Courtney (who is also 31 and going through Breast Cancer currently) introduced me to some of her great friends and Courtney and I did the SURVIVOR Dash in HEELS.  it was hilarious!  We were on the News!  Check it out!

News 8 films "Stiletto Stampede" at the Hill Country Galleria

I'm now preparing for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  Tons of my friends and family have signed up to participate!  It's a 5k and they expect to have around 22,000 people in attendance.  This is a HUGE fundraiser.  There is still time to sign up!

Race for the Cure Sign Up - enter in Team Check 'Em for Mindy

After the race, we are having everyone back to the house for a Champagne Celebration.  You can't celebrate LIFE enough!! 

Thank you to all that have made this possible for me.

The Bahamas

We made it back home safely from The Bahamas. 

There is something really therapeutic about vacation.  Doug and I caught our flight at 7am last Monday.  We arrived in the Bahamas around 12noon.  As soon as we got off the plane I felt it.  It was a relief and what I have been craving for almost a year now.  On the way to our hotel, we drove by miles and miles of beach.  The water was just like I had pictured it - just like I had dreamed!  It was BLUE/AQUA/TURQUOISE - a mixture of it all.  I knew I was in the right place.  My eyes even filled up with tears.  The beauty was breath taking. 

We checked into our hotel and we were shocked by how great of a view we had.  Our balcony overlooked the pool and you could see ocean and islands go on forever.  I loved watching the cruise ships leave at night all lit up.  I loved the sand between each of my toes.  I loved the Island Beer KALIK.  The Bahamian people were also great!  Everyone was so friendly and so accommodating.  I could have stayed longer ... I missed my kids though.

We shopped, relaxed, drank a TON of Rum, and ate really well!  I can't get back soon enough.

Back to the real world, back to reality, and onto my next project. Here are some pics ...

I do it every time ... :)

Conch Salad - Local Food

 -

preparing the Conch Salad

I was talked into getting on top of a table ... doesn't take much for me!

Post Surgery

I'm feeling great after my last surgery.  I had my expanders replaced with implants and most importantly I had the PORT removed!  I am feeling almost complete once again.  My shoulder is still a little sore from where the port was but this surgery was easy compared to the last two.  I'm continuing to heal and looking a little more normal than before.

My Post Op appt went well.  Dr says everything looks good.  Depending on the settling, we may need another minor surgery but sometimes that to be expected.  I'm not worried - just looking forward to be complete!

I had two girls come over for a dinner party this past weekend.  They are both my age and both breast cancer survivors.  One is undergoing chemo and the other has completed 2 sets of chemo and just beginning radiation.  Their husbands came also.  Our husbands were able to relate and share their experiences - it was FUN

Football has started and Austin is doing amazingly well!  He scored TWO touch downs this past Saturday.  Addison started Soccer but she is mainly interested in the outfit and playing with her friends.  Soccer isn't her thing, but she's enjoying what she is getting out of it. 

I'm gearing up the bicycle ride this Saturday.  The Mamma Jamma ride is THIS Saturday.  I was just now able to obtain a bike.  I'm excited!

Doug and I leave next Monday for the Bahamas ... wheewwwww .... can't come quick enough!  Lots of work to do before then.  I still don't have my crap in order.  I'm pretty unorganized and continue to just fly by.

Please consider joining the Race for the Cure team.  Check Em is our team name! 

WOW - Time Flies

It has been a GREAT month!!  I finished up my chemo treatments earlier than expected.  My last dose of the goods was on Tuesday, August 2.  That was #13 of the entire chemo regimen.  I finished 3 short of my original treatment recomendation. 

I went in on August 2 for my regular infusion.  I was administered and felt ultra crappy afterwards.  I had tingling in my fingers and toes and even threw up once.  When I went in for #10 (on August 9) my doctors asked me how I was doing.  I explained the tingling sensation and my team of doctors decided we were done.  My body has had all it can handle. I was NOT having chemo that day. 

I wiped off the Lidocaine cream that I rubbed onto skin covering the port as I let out huge sobs.  It's bitter-sweet.  I thought I would be one of the few that made it the entire way through the treatments.  I was wrong.  When your body is tired, your body is tired.  Apparently MOST people don't make it the full way through the treatments.  As Doug and I sat sobbing and hugging, I couldn't help but feel a little scared.  Scared that I hadn't had enough, scared that the treatments wouldn't do the job, and scared about not being breast cancer free.

My doctors assured me that day that I was done - no scans were needed, no more chemicals were needed, and I am breast cancer FREE. 

My doctor walked me over to the Infusion room where all the other people being administered were lounging in their reclyners.  She asked me "are you ready to graduate?".  "HELL YA"!!  We walked over where all of my infusion nurses stood.  They threw confetti, passed out hugs, and gave me a certificate - COMPLETION OF CHEMO!  The best part was that i got to ring the Victory Bell. 

The Victory Bell is the bell in the infusion room.  It is just how it sounds - when you are done with chemo you get to ring the bell.  Cancer patients watch and listen in hopes of ringing that bell some day. 

We left the office and called/texted our closest friends and family for an impromtu celebration.  it was 11'oclock int he afternoon so it was lunch time.  Stopped at the local bar and met up with Mom, David, Meredith, Jason, Kelly, and Timberli.  We shared some tears and some champagne and good pub food.  Several bottles of champagne later, it was time for a nap.  That was such a different kind of nap ... such a relief to finally be done with chemo. 

The kids suprised me with a cake they both made with love.  The message - "Glad You're Feeling Better, Mom".  They picked the cake mix, cracked the eggs, stirred, baked, and iced! 

It's been a non stop celebration - Last Thursday I had dinner with some of my closest friends as we clinked glasses and said good-bye to cancer ... finally!

Friday I went to my moms after work.  Doug was out of town so I thought having a glass of wine with Tina and Laura was going to be the highlight of my night.  As great as that was, I was completely wrong! As we were sipping and chatting, I saw Tracie and Jamie come through the door.  I wasn't expecting them but glad to see them.  After a few jokes, Tracie said "We are taking you away for the weekend.  Your bags are packed!". 

I sat trying to figure out who was in on this suprise.  Turns out, Doug had packed my bags weeks ago and this was all in the works.  My mom, my sister, Jamie, Tracie, Laura, Tina, Nichole, Kelly, Courtney, and Brandy were all in on it.  They had coolers packed, dinners figured out, and all the fun a group of girls could provide!  We got in the car and headed for Lake Travis.  Saturday morning we got on Jamie's parents house boat with our boat captain (Thanks to BRAD WARD) and cruised.  My friends are so great and we are all extremely lucky to have one another!

I got home on Sunday afternoon after the best weekend ever!  Doug returned safely from his trip to Playa Del Carmen.  How great it feels to be completely loved by all of our family and friends! 

More to come later - 3rd grade homework just arrived ...

4 More Treatments to GO!

It's been a busy, busy summer for us.  Business is going well and we are keeping up with July being our busiest month of the year.  It's good for our family but I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt a lot of times.  While I get my work done, I'm just exhausted by the end of the day and hardly available for playtime with the kids or interested in holding conversations.  My energy level is decreasing and my insomnia is becoming more of a problem.  Sounds like an oxymoron and its hard to explain.  My mind races but my body wants to rest.  Still over committed and feeling compelled to pile more and more on.  I'm working really hard on taking additional comittments on but sometimes I need those committments to take away the anxiety of this whole ordeal. weird when I say/write it.

We just got back from South Padre yesterday.  We spent almost a week there.  Got back just in time to be injected with the meds.  I'm glad the week went fast as I am able to mark off one more day of chemo.  I'm down to 4 - Only 4 more to go!  Still scheduled to have my last dose on Tuesday, August 23.  It's also my dads b-day that day ... I think it calls for a massive celebration!!  Who's in?! :)

Padre was fun as always.  Me, Doug, Austin, Addison, Kelly, Wes, Randi, Mom and David.  I learned to play washers, we drank a ton, ate a ton, went out to hear a band for Kelly's 29th birthday one night, danced our hearts out, and most importantly - I was able to put my feet in the sand and play in the waves .... ahhhhhhhh .... 

We celebrated Kelly's 29th birthday listening to a Funk Cover Band and then doing Karaeoke.  Mom lasted till almost 2am!  (Kids were back at the condo with David).  I don't know if it was too much sun exposure or a horrible hangover from a Jolly Rancher Shot but I felt terrible the next day and gave a little back after a nice mexican breakfast :)  ewwww ... 

My chemo session today was better than usual today - It was quick and I slept the entire time!  My favorite nurse, Pat, administered me today and for some reason she just makes it all not so bad.  I fell asleep withing 5 minutes of the Benadryl flowing and woke up after the Taxol completed.  Went and had lunch and then spent the next few hours in bed getting through a million emails.  got a LOT of work on my plate tomorrow. 

It's hard to believe I (along with all close to me) have been going through the breast cancer diagnosis for 6 months now. I look forward to to the end of summer and the beginning of fall and winter! The simple things - such as Thanksgiving have me more ready than ever!

We have the kids this evening - Mom and David are still living it up on the Island.  We are taking them on a Bat Boat Cruise on Town Lake.  The wonderful Wonders & Worries organizes it and invites all the parents and kids for the evening.  This is a good time to visit with other survivors and their kids as well.  If you haven't had a chance, please visit the Wonders and Worries website.

Off to pick up Addison from school and begin our funfilled evening.  xxo - Mindy

Mamma Jamma Bike Ride - A Ride to Leave Breast Cancer Behind. October 1

My FUNdraising effort wheels are turning again ...

On October 1, 2011, I will be participating in a powerful event to help thousands of Central Texans diagnosed with breast cancer. 

With hundreds of people, I will bicycle (eeek!!) through beautiful Central Texas in the third annual Texas Mamma Jamma Ride. Since the inaugural ride in 2009, the Mamma Jamma Ride has raised over $1,000,000 - necessary funds which stay right here in Central Texas. The money we raise provides direct care services to Texans diagnosed with breast cancer.  Simply, your support will save and improve the lives of thousands of Texans.  The money raised from the Ride stays local and the Beneficiaries are 11 local non-profit agencies involved with breast cancer.

Breast cancer affects all of us at some time or another.  Over 515 Americans are diagnosed with breast cancer every day and 1 woman out of 8 is diagnosed with breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.  These are terrifying statistics which is why I am committed to helping in every way possible. 

Most of you know that I don’t ride a bike – I honestly hope to be able to stay up on a bike!  By October 1, I will be 100% through with my chemo therapy – I plan to gain control of life and give back to those women less fortunate than me.  I will begin to train for my first bike race while undergoing chemo.

Please also consider riding in this event!  You can sign up with our team: TEAM BCRC (Breast Cancer Resource Center)

I have agreed to raise $500. . You can donate here if you are able:  http://www.mammajammaride.org/site/TR/Ride/General?px=1125441&pg=personal&fr_id=1070  Click on SUPPORT MINDY.  I'll add the website the Blog Main Page if you are unable to open it from here.  I ask that you sponsor me as a rider and make a difference for some wonderful people who really need us.  

Thank you in advance for your generosity. It means a lot to me, and to all of those individuals who receive help and support through the Texas Mamma Jamma Ride. 

Thanks for considering! 

My next treatment is tomorrow.  I find myself anxiously awaiting each and every Tuesday that comes along.  I don't so much dread them anymore - I actually look forward to getting to it and getting through it.  The Taxol chemo is definitely not as hard on me as the AC was.  Compared to the first 3 months of chemo, this feels like a tiny cold. 

The doctors reduced the amount of steroid given this last round and will reduce it a little more at tomorrow's treatment.  The steroid makes me pretty irratible and makes my head hurt.  This should also lessen the amount of time sitting in the reclyner.

My parents keep the kids every Monday and Tuesday night.  It's extremely helpful - we get a date night every Monday these days!  No big plans tonight ... Cooking dinner, watching Weeds (our new favorite show) and doing a straighten up around the house.  I've rehired our cleaning people!  Tomorrow we'll come home to a clean house and few Netflix movies I just received.    Then I sleep for about a day.

My eyelashes and eyebrows are slowly fading which has been another adjustment but I think I am handling it better than the loss of my long hair.  Maybe it's wishful thinking and possibly too much info - but I have shaved my legs a couple of times over the last few weeks.  This means my HAIR IS GROWING BACK ... right ?!?!  I heard your eyelashes and eyebrows were the last to go and with the new growth, hopefully they won't fully disappear.  My dr prescribed me some Latisse.  I apply it every night to my eyelids - I think it's helping.

Doug and I took the kids to the San Antonio JW Marriott over the weekend for a quick Father's Day getaway.  We had an awesome time!  They have a water park with big slides and a lazy river that we spent all day in.  I was at the bar standing in line when a woman approached me.  She said "are you bald under there".  (I was wearing a bandana).  I put up a huge front and gave her an attitude-filled "yah".  She immediately got teary and said "i'm a breast cancer survivor of 3 years and here for my anniversary".  I felt ease pour over my body and let my guard down as I talked with her for awhile.  I guess you can "spot" us  - I never wanted to feel like that but it is what it is.  Her hair was completely grown back, she showed me her port scar, and told me that she had a 2 year old when she was diagnosed.  She was 39 when she found out.  She felt my pain as we discussed treatments.  I almost didn't notice my bare feet burning on the pavement until she took some of her cold water and poured them on my toes.  She wanted to take care of me and her courage was contagious.

After tomorrow I'll have NINE more treatments left.  Single digits and feeling close to being done with this shit.  Hoping and praying that the next 2 months move quickly for me and that they are just as easy as this last month has been.

5 down - 11 more to go

It was a LONG day today ... a different concoction of drugs.  I had an appointment with my Oncologist first to discuss any new issues and discuss side effects of my newest chapter during these last 3 months of chemo. 

I showed her a few brown spots, kind of like freckles, on my hand and asked if she knew what it was from.  I let her know that my first job was working at Sonic and when I cut the limes, I got the same type of marks on my hands.  Apparently she worked at Sonic too as her first job so she was familiar with the lime marks.  Anyway, its chemo stuff and will go away once chemo is over.  Only I notice it so it's not that big of a deal and really not that visible.

I've also gotten really tan in the last few weeks.  She mentioned this too and reminded me to be really careful in the sun.  Find the shade, wear sunblock, blah blah blah....  By the way I LOVE the sun and LOVE the water.  But I know its important so I will do my best.  Something in the meds leave you pretty exposed to the sun. 

The nurse accessed my port and for the first time it didn't hurt!  My new tube of Lidocain worked.  Wheww!  It normally takes Doug and my oncologist to hold my hand while I squeeze hard and cry.  And it takes the nurse extra effort to hold me still to get a good blood line.  But, I handled it well and didn't shed a tear. 

Then it was time to head to the "other side" or the Infusion Room.  I was called back and assigned a reclyner this time.  Usually I get to pick.  Since my appts are early in the morning I usually have one of the first picks.  I chose a spot in the back, next to the window, and with my own TV.  This time I got the front of the room and was forced to watch the news.

Luckily, I was assigned to my favorite nurse and she began administering the drugs.  She explained that since this was a new drug and there are tons scary side effects so she wanted to be able to watch me the whole time.  Back pain, cramps, and shortness of breath were the main ones.  And of course this drug also carries hot flashes, heart burn, icky stomach feelings, and fatigue. She said my hair may start to grow back with the Taxol - she said she's seen it happen.  Wishful thinking??  Possibly - but I'll take all the good news I can get.  First the saline dripped through the tubes and into my port to clear the line.  Then the nausea medicine followed by a dose of Benadryl, a steroid, and finally the Taxol. The taxol was administered very slow just to make sure I handled it o.k.

I handled the Taxol well.  I was just super antsy because I was tired of sitting.  The Benadryl made me sleepy.  I put on my huge, oversized sunglasses and tried to catch some z's.  I was awaken by two men sitting next to me that seemed to be competing in a snoring contest.  I was also asked to have my blood pressure taken several times .... so sleep wasn't an option for me.

It was over by 2:30 and the nurse told me I may experience my first hot flash on the way home.  I didn't, but I did tell Doug that I wanted to go swimming ... maybe that was the beginning of a hot flash.  On the way home, I slept and when we got home I took a two hour nap.  I woke up sweating - there's my first hot flash. 

It's been a busy last few weeks.  Things don't slow down for me and I am still having a problem over committing myself.  We had Austin's birthday part at the skate rink on Sunday and then invited some of his friends over to go swimming.  We got out of the pool at 9pm so it was a late day.  We had a blast skating though!  I highly suggest you put on a pair of roller skates if you haven't done so in the last 10 years.  It feels great to feel like a kid again.

Addison started swimming also (more like dog paddling and floundering around) - so I enrolled her in swim lessons.  She loves it!  I also signed her up for soccer.  Doug will coach and her first game will be sometime in September.  It seems young but Austin was playing when he was 3.  Regardless, it'll be really cute and she's really excited to have her dad coach and play with her best friend!

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with the smell of chemo in nose (another side effect).  I couldn't get ride of it.  I tried taking shower, blowing my nose, and just not thinking about it.  That didn't help.  My nurse suggested Lemon Drops or anything mint to take away the smell.  Apparently this is normal.  It's a hospital, cleaning, burning type of smell.  So naturally, I booked a trip for mine and Doug's anniversary.  We will be heading for the Bahamas for 6 nights in October.  As soon as I booked this trip, my nose cleared and I haven't smelled the chemo since!  I now have something to look forward to in the near future - I can almost smell the Carribean, white sands, and fruity coctails.

I also over came a huge fear in the last two weeks.  It has been a pretty big deal and a huge accomplishment on my part.    We were asked to go floating the river in New Braunsfels over Memorial Weekend.  My first response was no.  How could I?  I wear synthetic hair that cannot get wet?!  I was sure to be thrown off my tube, slammed into a tree, and lose and ruin my hair.  Our very good friends, The Murray's, sent me a text.  Wes said put a bandanna on and we won't take no for an answer.  So - I went to Michaels and bought several bandannas in black, white, blue, and pink.  I put one one and tried the grocery store first.  No funny looks suprisingly.  Then I tried the bandanna at our neighborhood pool around Austin's friends.  No funny looks.... SO I said YES - we would go floating!  I put the bandanna on and I felt so much weight fall off my shoulders.  Our other friends that we floated with wore bandannas as well.  It felt great!  There is nothing better than having friends that love you enough to not judge.   

Since then, I haven't worn my hair much at all.  Doug and I joke often about how our GIVE A SHIT METER is close to empty - if not completely empty.  The litttle things don't phase me and I have an attitude of someone that I have never known before.  Don't get me wrong - I love to hang out with my friends, listen to them bitch about their husbands, drink wine and talk dirty diapers.  But on the other hand, I don't have the patience for conversations regarding bad hair days - that's just me right now ...

I have also sat down several times to complete my thank you cards.  I'm trying to write thank you cards from February after my hospital visit and initial surgery.  Everytime I do I start to feel sick to my stomach.  I don't knwo what it is, but my stomach gets in knots and this horrible feeling comes over me.  I have decided to wait until my treatments are over.  I'll go ahead and apologize now - you will receive one in October :)  Thanks for understanding.

So as of today, I have 5 down and 11 more treatments to go.  Hopefully these 11 move quickly.  They really should as they are weekly. 

Thanks for reading and staying interested in my life.  xxo - Mindy

My Prayer side of it

I never thought I would be in this but I am doing o.k and managing.  Thank everyone from the gifts, words of love and encouragement, and all of the prayers and nice thoughts sent my way.  I realize that this situation could be worse. 

I've never been much of the praying girl.  I've always felt that praying was strictly for church-goers, which I haven't been (except for the occasional VBS Trip with Jamie or the Sundays with Laura).  The only other times that I've been in the church setting were at all the weddings I've attended and been in.  I guess I just assumed praying wasn't for those that didn't attend a Sunday mass.  This may sound silly but I've never fully understood it - until now.  All of this has changed and while I am still not the extremely religious type, I can truthfully and passionately say that I believe in the power of prayer.  My aunt Mari said it best at the beginning of this process and I think about her words often.  

I received a handemade prayer shawl from Tressa's church.  It was so touching - I had to share the prayer attached to it:

Give this shawl the ability to comfort , the ability to hea, the ability to give strength where it is needed.  May Mindy know that you are with her and that she is not alone.  That she is cared for, loved and prayed for.  That your loving arms are around her to protect her and heal her, whenever se puts this shawl on.  Lord, thank you for the blessings that this shawl is given.  Amen.

--By the Prayer Shawl Ministry of the Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit, Dripping Springs

Melinda and her mom and aunt also made a quilt - this is taken with me to my treatments to remind me of the great support from my closest, dearest friends.  thank you!!

My mom and I sat on her patio the other day and we talked about how my friends, neighbors, family members and people I don't even know are praying for my returned health and full recovery.  This is wild to me and only now do I get how many people breast cancer - my breast cancer has touched.

I find myself lost in prayer a lot.  Call me selfish, but I mainly pray for my returned health and acceptance.  I think once you mourn over something thats the only thing left.  And that's how I have kept my mind sane at times.  I think it's helping and I am almost there.  I haven't cried over my hair or found myself completely obstructed by my diagnosis every day as I was a month ago.  I feel so much stronger.  Lately, I've been able to let out a good cry once a week on Doug's shoulder and then have found myself  able to move on. 

Last month and 3rd Chemo Treatment into this I felt terrible emotionally.  The couple of days prior to my treatment are hard and the weeks of my treatments are worse. Even after 5 months of this crap, I still find myself saying I'm a crazy, hormonal, basketcase.  My dr says my hormones have been completely affected and that it's completely normal.

I have also been a lot clumbsier than normal.  I had lunch with my Dad and Gramma last week and I had to use the restroom.  As I was finished and washing my hands I noticed all the urinals.... I opened the door quickly and noticed i was in the men's bathroom.  Luckily there was noone else in there with me.  I don't know how i would have explained that.  I also fell down the stairs on Sunday while rushing to get Addison's tights and dance shoes for her dance recital.  I hope the clumbiness will subside once the treatments are over as well.  If not, i will be left mortified and bruised ...

We have had a busy few weeks.  Addison turned 4 last week, we had our first Dance Recital and I started planning for Austin's 8th Birthday next week.  We finished up Baseball.  Lost in game two of the tournement, joined the swim team, and had our first swim meet.  Austin placed in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of his races.  Now that school is almost over and we are down to one sport, we will get prepared for summer camps - SWIM, BASEBALL, and his favorite FOOTBALL.  I need a chauffeur so I can sip mimosas while I deliver austin to these camps :)

Rene - our friend and old babysitter is in town.  She has been such a help to have around this week.  The kids have enjoyed spending time with her but sadly she leaves again for Austrailia this weekend. 

Two weeks ago I had blood work done.  that's normal after treatments.  My white cell count is good.   i'm borderline anemic and lacking sodium.  Steaks and Salt - mmm

Yesterday was my 4th Chemo treatment.  I lost it several times in there.  All for VERY good news.  This was my last BIG Dose of Chemo treatments!  No more of the lengthy days and tired weeks - hopefully.  My next cycle will start on Jun 6 and will be every Tuesday for the next 12 weeks.  The only hard part is being stuck with the needles.  So - I am celebrating while laying in bed watching TV that I AM HALF WAY THROUGH!!!!!!  Again, thanks for all the prayers.

Computer dying - gotta run.

Writing from the Infusion Room

Last night I went to sleep with a ton of anxiety.  I seem to be more "on edge" the night before treatment.  Like a good girl, I took my xanax, ambien, and had a nice long relaxing bath.  I worked almost 12 hours yesterday so that today and tomorrow I could fully take andvantage of our guest bedroom and pretend to be staying in a hotel.  My parents are keeping both Addison and Austin and I plan to do nothing but relax for 2 days.  I can't be without my energy for as long as I was last time.

I arrived to the Infusion Room and took my seat next to the window.  They hooked me up through my port and the meds have begun.  I decided that right now would be a good time to catch all of you up and to put my recent feelings down.  I opened my computer and caught a glimpse of my reflection.  Needles and wires and the tower of medicine next me shocked me for a short second.  I'm still having trouble making this a reality. 

There are about 20 other people having a treatment at the same time.  One lady across from me is wearing a bright pink baseball hat with rhinestones.  I assume she has breast cancer and is a proud survivor.  Another is paying her bills and bitching to herself - something about Medicaid.  A man is next to me visiting with his wife over a salad and another woman just walked in with a purple bandana and a pink shirt that says PEACE on it.  I just watched someone get "accessed" thru their port and their drugs have started.  I can't help but wonder what type of cancer everyon has.  Some look like they will be here all day with the amount of stuff they brought with them.  The woman in the pink rhinestone hat just fell asleep - she looks so peaceful and comfortable.  There are about 8 nurses moving from patient to patient handing out crackers, checking the medicine bags, and comfort levels.  I am sitting eavesdropping and listening to my medicine trickle through my body.  I'm the nosey one ...

Doug just left to go grab us some lunch and a HUGE Iced Tea.  I would do just about anything for an iced tea right about now.  When he left I tuned into a MTV and found 16 and Pregnant.  I turned it off after my Infusion Nurse, Pat, came over and made some silly jokes about how ridiculous that show is.  We talked about how I don't feel as guilty watching crap like that here as I would at home.  Pat just gave me her life story in a nutshell.  She and her "partner" Susan have a 14 yr old son.  She was the pregnant one and her partner adopted him.  They love costa rica and will eventually retire there once their son goes away to College.  Pat has been my favorite Infusion Nurse so far!

2 weeks ago I received a gift card from my VERY special friends.  It was a gift card to Top This.  Thank you to ALL of you that contributed!!  My doctor just released me for an Oncology massage so I'll be scheduling that there very soon!

I turned off my phone today and put an auto responder on my email.  I plan to do a little work but just the minimum today and tomorrow.  If you are looking for me, know that i'm o.k - just want some time to rest.  I'm pretty sure Aunt Kay is dropping off another delicious dinner tonight.  I can't wait to see what it is - everything she makes is awesome!

My salad, fruit and more importantly my ICE TEA is here!  Later .....

RAISING Awareness for Breast Cancer

It was only a matter of time before my wheels started turning on ways to help OTHER young women and mothers experiencing this horrible phase that some unfortunately encounter in their lifetime.  I've decided that it is my obligation to help raise the awareness for breast cancer and I am going to fight like hell for the rest of my life until we are all AWARE!  

definition  Awareness: having knowledge of

SO many women are affected by Breast Cancer - (and all other Cancers - this one just happens to hit home with me).  I hear a small voice telling me to educate, speak about IT, stand strong, be a friend and rock to someone who needs it, and more than anything to be a Survivor.   When I'm done with my treatments and my energy levels come back and I return to the "old Mindy", I will be all over the place trying to help others in this situation.  This is a down right scary time and I want to give back by educating and raising awareness. 

I have read TONS of books from Crazy Sexy Cancer, Stand By Her, Dr Susan Love's The Breast Book, and every piece of literature and pamphlet thrown my way.  I have researched, compared my notes from my surgeons, and changed our way of living.  This will be shocking to most because you probably know that never, in my adult years, would I have ever picked up any reading material that didn't say "US Weekly or People". But I feel a NEED to know EVERYTHING about breast cancer.

Here are some Very Scary but REAL Statistics, but because of my new found obsession I felt the need to include these here:

 *  One in 8 women will get breast cancer in her lifetime
 *  Breast Cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54
 * 70% of breast cancer occur in women without a family history of the disease
 * There are more than 250,000 women UNDER the age of 40 and currently living with breast cancer
 * Breast Cancer in women under 50 is more agressive and virulent
 * The five year survival rate for young women with Breast Cancer is 83%

On a different note - but still the same .... My treatment was last week (Tuesday).  The days following were terrible.  I was sick, tired, and I had a near fainting spell at Waterloo on Saturday from the heat.  I napped often and was in bed by 7pm most nights.  I caught myself thinking: "If I go to bed now then I'll get to the next day much sooner and start feeling a little better".  I've never considered myself as lame or boring, but that's me right now.  I'm finally feeling better and have some energy back.  My treadmill is calling my name!  I guess its safe to assume that my treatment weeks are going to be tough.  Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 SUCK.  I've got 2 weeks of goodness until my next one.  Got so much to do!!

Chemo Treatment - Day 3

My treatment on Tuesday went well.  I saw my Oncologist first who I had remind me why we are doing this again.  I guess there is still that thought of "did someone switch my lab results?  did someone have a mix up in the radiologist department? Was someone tampering with my slides?"  So she reminded me and again used the word "CURED" with me.  So, I'm happy to report that my doctor says they are very optimistic about me being CURED from breast cancer - AFTER chemo.

Well hell, chemo down right SUCKS!  I've had allergies, I've had the flu, I've had a cold, I've been pregnant, and I've given birth. This tops it!  I'm helpless and doing everyhting I can to stay focused on my day to day activities.  Kids in and out of the house, in and out of school, to and from baseball games and practices, and still trying to help run a business and keep my work from piling up on top of me. 

My social life has gotten more and more complicated as well.  I love all of my friends and I love to see them.  I just feel so damned embarassed and tired and definitely not myself.  The chemo kills not only the bad cells, but it kills the good ones too.  It's doing a pretty big job and I can only concentrate on getting my body back to recovery before my next chemo blast hits me.  If my white blood cells aren't back to normal by the next round, they will put it off - SO it is in my very BEST interest to rest and relax my body and bring it back to (somewhat) normal.  And now I know it does a little more on me each time.

This past session on Tuesday left me a little nauceous. I'm at Day 3 from my treatment.   I have the world's weakest stomach already and the queasiest little feeling has me thinking I am dying.  Not to be a complete hypocondriac, but my stomach is a very sensitive one.  This will come to a suprise to most and just so you knwo that I am not in my right sorts - Wine sounds terrible to me.  Hopefully this is temporary :) 

I have 2 more sessions of this coctail to go.  One on April 26 and the next on May 17th.  I have heard from my doctors that the mix I am on is more potent than the next 3 months.  Beginning in May 24th I will begin to go to every week but apparently that isn't nearly as brutal as this one.  Beginning May 24th I will have 12 weekly sessions and then I'm done!  I can't wait long enough for August to roll around. 

that's it for now - Mom's on her way over to help out while I drift off for a nap.  Thanks MOM!

Update and Chemo Therapy

It's been a while since I have updated my process... I'll go back about a few weeks ago.  So much has happened and I wish I had been updating daily so that I wasn't stuck trying to remember.

Let's recap - on Jan 21st I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer. On Feb 16th I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction.  My healing began and I THOUGHT that was it!  Two weeks after my surgery, my lab results of the tumor were in.  An Oncotype test determined that the genes in that little annoying tumor were "agressive" and Chemo Therapy was recommended.   I went in for another surgery (while still healing from the intial one) to get a Portacath put in.  It was outpatient surgery and I think I was out for only 30 min.

The Portacath (also called a "port") was placed in my under my skin on my chest near my right shoulder.  It was pretty uncomfortable.  It will stay there until chemo is complete and will have to be surgically removed.  So - this is where the TOXINS (or "Chemo") are administered.  The Port has a cathether that goes under my collar bone then takes a dive towards my heart.  From there the toxins are pumped to my entire body in an effort to kill any last cancer cells (if any).  I have attached a picture of what the Port looks like - Yes, it is purple...

My initial reaction to hearing "we recommend chemo" was devastating.  I thought hearing "you have cancer" was bad... That was nothing compared to these words!

I had Chemo Class on Thurs, March 10th.  I was in a room with 4 other families.  One person from each family was in my same boat - but all with a different cancer and at a different stage.  I was told my treatments were going to be the shortest of the group's.  My treatments will last from 2 to 3 hours each time.   My schedule was also a lot different from those others.  Needless to say, i was the youngest one in there and bawled my eyes out thru the entire informational session.  I felt like a complete basket case - these other people just "took" the news as if they expected this.  I, on the otherhand, felt like I had been given a death sentence and was having a hard time accepting this news. 

My sessions are every 21 days for the first 3 months.  the Second 3 months my chemo treatments will be every week!  That's a total of 16 sessions and 6 months of this shit.  I'll celebrate my last day of Chemo sometime in August.

In the class, at my first Oncologist appt, and at my first Chemo Treatment i was told (3 times) that one of the side effects is losing my hair along with extreme fatigue.  I guess the doctors and nurses felt like I was ignoring this statement and I needed to be told again and again.  This has been the hardest of all and this is why I felt a need for a Private Blog.  From here on, it's raw emotion.  I knew when Chemo was suggested that this was going to happen and thats why it was so disbturbing to me to hear it. 

My first chemo session was on Tuesday, March 15th.  It lasted almost 4 hours.  First I saw my Oncologist who reminded me everything would be o.k. and that the reason we are going this route is because she believes I'll be CURED when this is over.  The nurse came in, found my port and stuck a needle through my chest and into the rubbery part of the port.  Then the Toxins came.  It was actually pretty comfortable.  There's WIFI so Doug plugged away on his email and I sat in a reclyner with my new IPAD given by Tina and Rick with my soft pink fuzzy blanket from Timberli.  There are tvs, snacks, and drinks, and about 20 other people getting some sort of the chemo coctail also.  it wasn't so bad and I have to admit, I think I handled it like a champ!

I was told to get rid of my hair so that I didn't have to deal with losing it on its own.  Apparently that is more overwhelming to most women.  I was also told that because of the type of person I am - in control most of the time that I would want to be in control of THIS as much as possible. 

My hair has always been part of me ... I know it doesn't "define" me, but it is part of me.  It wasn't the best - long, blonde, thin, and most of the time unmanageable but IT WAS MINE and I could do what I wanted to with it!!  I put away my blow dryer, my straightener, and my fancy hair products.  My poney tail holders now belong to Addison.  It felt as if something or someone had died leading up to my buzz cut.  I mourned like I had never mourned before and I cried like nothing else.

This will sound funny and ridiculous to some, but I don't care ...  Losing my real breasts was not nearly as upsetting as losing my hair.  It's different for everyone and for me this was the most miserable point in my life!  I told Doug that I had never been this sad before and even when I say it (or write) it now, it brings tears to my eyes.

Cutting my hair happened last Wednesday, March 23.  It doesn't seem that long ago but it feels lieke an eternity to me.  That day will forever be a day etched in my brain.  I'll always remember the Journey song playing, I'll remember looking in the mirror and taking that deep breath before building up the courage to say"I'm Ready" and I'll remember the champagne Doug and I drank silently with tears in our eyes.

I have new hair now, obviously it's not mine.  It's darker but the same length.  It's heavy and thick but manageable.  It's actually a ton easier than using the Root Booster, a blow dryer, and flat iron.  I thought I would never go outside of my house once I got to this point - BUT I have shocked the shit out of myself and apparently my mom as well.  The next day I put on my hair, played with it for a bit, and mustered up enough courage to go to Austin's first baseball game of the season.  I was glad I did - Austin was the first batter of the night and hit a ball up past Center Field and scored a Home Run.  Moments like those make my hair issues seem minor.

I've got one session down and another one coming up on Tuesday.  After that, I'll have 14 more to go.  Positive thinking!!  I have never wanted time to pass so quickly as I do now.  I look forward to every summer but this is definitely not one of them.  This is going to be a tough year but I am determined to get through it without letting IT get the best of me.

Sometimes I feel defeated, humiliated, and exhausted.  When those thoughts arrive I quickly rearrange them into thinking about how incredibly lucky I am that I found my breast cancer and that we moved quickly.  I think about all of the choices I have had through out the last few months and realize that I have no regrets.  I refocus on the positives and the overwhelming amount of support I have received. 

BIG HUGS - MINDY



Privacy

Thank you to all of you reading my blog and wanting to keep up with my appts, my feelings, and my everyday life.  Recently I entered into another realm of my cancer treatment.  This is an extremely emotional and private time for me and my family.  I would like to update my blog to keep you informed on what's going on - my phone has been crazy and I aplogize for the non returned phone calls.  I have received them and appreciate it.

Beginning this week, my blog will be changed to "PRIVATE".  If you would like to continue reading my blog, please send an email to mbyron@rmx360.com and include your email address.  I'll add you to my list.  Again, its a privacy thing.  Believe me, as much as I want to be of "Hollywood Status" I do want keep this part of my treatment on the low :)

Thanks for understanding...

New Information ...

So much has gone on and set in the last few days... I'm going to try to be as organized with this blog as possible.  Afterall, the blog is for me and my closests and if you know ME it'll be understood.

The surgery recovery has taken longer than I anticipated.  I'm healthy and energetic and outgoing.  I thought for sure I would "pop"right back into place.  I also thought a week of Lifetime Movies, 90210 reruns, and DrByron pampering me would be exciting.  However, it's been miserable. I don't ask for help ... much.  I'm originally a FARBER and now a BYRON and both of those mean INDEPENDENT!  Two independents mean that you will do everything in your power to not ask for help.  Not being able to drive to grocery shop, drop kids off at school, and run errands is difficult.  So I am doing the best I can while continuing to feel helpless.

Last Wednesday I had an appt with my Oncologist.  More bad news - My breast tissue and tumor have been tested and run through pathology.  Test results have arrived.  It turns out that my type of tumor had very aggressive genes and puts me at a high risk for recurrence.  I thought for sure I was out of the woods and was cancer free.  Unfortunately my oncologist has suggested a more severe treatment.  Its hard for me to say the type of treatment although you all probably know exactly what I am expecting.  My treatment will begin in the next 2 weeks.  It's too hard for me to say or put out there right now.  It's still new to me and very difficult to accept so I hope that if you are reading this you are a dear friend of mine and will respect my wishes on the privacy front.

Also on Wednesday, I had a phone call from a close friend of mine.  Her dr found a lump in her breast.  She'll be 35 this month.  Her drs are very optimistic that it's a cystic thing rather than a "mass".  She'll find out more next week.  Please keep her in your thoughts.  I'm thinking about her daily and hoping and praying that she will not have to endure the pain of a biopsy or anything more severe. 

My sister in law Alison from Boston arrived on Wednesday to help out.  She's been a tremendous help with house work, organization with all paperwork we have collected, and laundry.  She leaves to go home today but hopefully we will see her again very soon. 

This past Friday I was relieved of my surgical drains.  YAYY!!  Those were a complete nuisance.  I finally feel somewhat human again.  Tina is picking me up - since I can't drive a car yet because of sore muscles and pain meds.  We are going to the mall - shopping withdrawals and buying something for myself seems very therapeutic right now.  

Also on Friday I had a Echocardiogram.  That's a sonogram of the heart.  My heart's chambers and size was looked at to make sure I am up for the new treatment.  My heart is healthy although it hurts.  I was stuck with more needles and more IVs and had to have a CT Scan to check my liver, lungs, kidneys, and other important organs.  They want to double check to make sure that everything is very healthy.  

I have been scheduled for another small surgery this Monday.  The surgery will last an hour at the most and I'll be home by Monday afternoon.  This surgery is in preparation for my upcoming treatment.  It'll make my treatment more manageable. 

I appreciate all of the dinners arriving daily!  Everything has been so delicious and very appreciated.  I'm pretty sure we are going to add more to the calendar for just 2 days a week for the next 6 months as that is how long my additional treatments will last. 

Off to do a little shopping and take Addison to Katelyn's b-day party.  Nothing can warm your heart like watching a bunch of crazy toddlers run wild. 

Post Surgery - February 28

Post Surgery - It's been almost 2 weeks since my surgery.  It's been a painful recovery - physically and emotionally.  Doug (who we will call Dr Byron) has taken such good care of me and even sets his alarm to give me my pain meds so that we stay on top of them.  He created this handy spreadsheet that lists all of my meds along with doses and times.  It's even on a clip board!  Dr Byron has been awesome even while he is behind on SO much sleep!!

Seton Hospital was wonderful!  The delivery people said I had the most flowers of anyone there.  My room was FILLED with beautiful flowers, balloons, and magazines - Thank you to all of you!  My nurses were very friendly - even the guy I chewed out after I arrived to my room post surgery.  Poor guy - he was there to make sure I got in o.k and all I could do was bitch about how my room wasn't big enough :)  David ended up pulling some strings and got me into a suite but I was already too comfortable in my room and the thought of how painful moving would be kept me there. I aplogized to my nurse when we left  - luckily, he understood. 

Recovery is going well and I am moving right on track.  Lots have asked about chemo, radiation and further treatment.  These are all things I am continuing to educate myself about.  My appt with my Oncologist is on Wednesday so I'll know more then.  I am hoping and praying that minimal treatment is needed -  afterall, the malignant tumor was taken with "wide clear margins and there was no lymphnode involvement".  Those are great words!! 

I have so many people in my life to be thankful for.  Thank you Mom and David for taking such good care of the kiddos.  Thank you Tina for being such a fantastic organizer and sending updates during my surgery and letting me borrow your IPAD.  And thanks to the IPAD - I am now addicted to Scrabble.  Thank you to ALL of our wonderful friends and family members that have sent flowers and gifts, brought lunches and dinners and cookies, and have called and emailed to check up on me! 

I've already gained 4 lbs since this thing started.  I cant WAIT to get back to the courts with my tennis coaches and tennis friends.  Unfortunately, I still have a while before that can happen.  My muscles have been tampered with and its possible that I will need some help with getting my strength back.  Tennis has always been a great stress reliever for me and I am used to playing 4 times a week!  Soon enough, soon enough!! 

Today is already the last day of the month!  Where did February go?  I have so much work to do and unfortunately time doesn't stop or slow down because you are down.  Everything moves right along and it seems to move even faster when you aren't prepared.  All I can do is what I can do... everything else will have to wait its turn.  You've heard "don't sweat the small stuff" and I've never really been able to relate ... till now. 

Happy Valentine's Day

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway" - John Wayne

Friday, Feb 11

I had a great time with my friend last night.  It was wonderful sharing a margarita and a plate of Quesadillas while talking breast cancer and recovery!  She's definitely a positive woman that was able put some scary things in perspective for me.  I respect her bravery and courage more than I can put into words. 

I came home feeling SO much better and for the first time I felt at peace with my diagnosis and upcoming surgery.  I'm good - sucks to deal with it, but I am good. 

This weekend we are headed to the lake for some fun times with the kids.  Next week I'll be organizing, cleaning, and doing some laundry to get prepared.  Turning the computer and phone off. YES!!

Wednesday, Feb 9

So ... my last blog may have terrified some and scared away others.  Believe me when I say my anger and emotions have gotten the best of me.  Thank you for understanding while I rant away through my writing as I jot down everything to not forget it.  At some point, I'll print all of these entries out and look back when I think things are tough and hopefully be able to laugh about my emotional roller coaster and diagnosis.  When I am cancer free this will all be just one battle I overcame with the help of my family, my doctors, and my faithful friends.

My bone scan and chest xray results came back - the results were NORMAL!  I think that was better news to my mom than anyone.  I was honestly tired of waiting around for test results so I kind of put that one out of my mind.  I didn't even know what results I was hoping for - a negative something ... My mom insisted that I bug the shit out of the Oncologists office till I heard some results.  I figured she was right since the first time she told me to call the dr, so I figured I had better listen to her this time too.

Had another couple of appts today at the hospital - everything is moving right along, although I wish it were going faster. 

I also learned recently that there is a whole world of HELPFUL young (in 20s and 30s) breast cancer survivors here in Austin.  The women I have spoken with have all been extremely positive and uplifting.  It's a different type of comforting family that helps you cope, deal, and accept.  In a strange way, I'm glad to know these fantastic women were strong enough to battle through it and even stronger enough to talk with me about my fears and their progress. 

Tomorrow, I am having dinner with a woman my age that went through the exact thing.  I am very excited to speak with a woman that knows this inside and out who isn't wearing a lab coat! 

Monday, Feb 7

Some more good news!  My full genetics test came back negative and the other tumor that was biopsied last week is BENIGN (non cancerous).

More waiting.  My surgery is scheduled for Feb 16 and from what I know I will be pretty out of it for at least a week.  My blog will slow down this week as I prepare to be down.  House needs cleaning and organization and the laundry is piled high. My work has suffered and my email inbox and voice mail is completely full.  I can relate this feeling to "nesting" - everything needs to be perfect, clean, and caught up so that I can relax next week.

My friend Tina came over on Friday.  She insited on putting together a care calendar for dinner drop offs so that Doug and I are not worried about dinners and the kids continue to eat :).  I know that people want to help us during this time so I agreed to this.  It's hard accepting help from people especially when your an Independent Stubborn and Hard Headed woman like me.  We are actually looking forward to it though.

Over the last week I have also felt a little uneasy using this blog.  People come out of the woodwork when crisis arrives.  I know that most of you care very deeply about my battle and recuperation.  However, I also feel that some are reading this just to be able to have something to talk about later. I never want to be the topic of someone's dinne conversation.  Please know that this is a private issue for me, my friends, and my family.  Having to repeat my daily steps several times is exhausing for me, Doug, and my parents.  If you can't tell, cancer plays mind tricks on you too...

Just another reminder and put anohter thought out there - PLEASE do your self exams.  Quit smoking if you haven't and start taking cancer seriously!  Cancer is not supposed to happen at 31, but unfortunately it did.

Thanks again for all of your prayers during this time.  My Aunt Mari who has also battled breast cancer said it beautifully, "My prayer for you is to have peace, calm, and discornement as you make decisions about your treatment.  Also for your sweet family, Doug, Addie, Austin, Margie and all who love you that they will be comforted as they support you". 

Thank you Mari.