My next treatment is tomorrow. I find myself anxiously awaiting each and every Tuesday that comes along. I don't so much dread them anymore - I actually look forward to getting to it and getting through it. The Taxol chemo is definitely not as hard on me as the AC was. Compared to the first 3 months of chemo, this feels like a tiny cold.
The doctors reduced the amount of steroid given this last round and will reduce it a little more at tomorrow's treatment. The steroid makes me pretty irratible and makes my head hurt. This should also lessen the amount of time sitting in the reclyner.
My parents keep the kids every Monday and Tuesday night. It's extremely helpful - we get a date night every Monday these days! No big plans tonight ... Cooking dinner, watching Weeds (our new favorite show) and doing a straighten up around the house. I've rehired our cleaning people! Tomorrow we'll come home to a clean house and few Netflix movies I just received. Then I sleep for about a day.
My eyelashes and eyebrows are slowly fading which has been another adjustment but I think I am handling it better than the loss of my long hair. Maybe it's wishful thinking and possibly too much info - but I have shaved my legs a couple of times over the last few weeks. This means my HAIR IS GROWING BACK ... right ?!?! I heard your eyelashes and eyebrows were the last to go and with the new growth, hopefully they won't fully disappear. My dr prescribed me some Latisse. I apply it every night to my eyelids - I think it's helping.
Doug and I took the kids to the San Antonio JW Marriott over the weekend for a quick Father's Day getaway. We had an awesome time! They have a water park with big slides and a lazy river that we spent all day in. I was at the bar standing in line when a woman approached me. She said "are you bald under there". (I was wearing a bandana). I put up a huge front and gave her an attitude-filled "yah". She immediately got teary and said "i'm a breast cancer survivor of 3 years and here for my anniversary". I felt ease pour over my body and let my guard down as I talked with her for awhile. I guess you can "spot" us - I never wanted to feel like that but it is what it is. Her hair was completely grown back, she showed me her port scar, and told me that she had a 2 year old when she was diagnosed. She was 39 when she found out. She felt my pain as we discussed treatments. I almost didn't notice my bare feet burning on the pavement until she took some of her cold water and poured them on my toes. She wanted to take care of me and her courage was contagious.
After tomorrow I'll have NINE more treatments left. Single digits and feeling close to being done with this shit. Hoping and praying that the next 2 months move quickly for me and that they are just as easy as this last month has been.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
5 down - 11 more to go
It was a LONG day today ... a different concoction of drugs. I had an appointment with my Oncologist first to discuss any new issues and discuss side effects of my newest chapter during these last 3 months of chemo.
I showed her a few brown spots, kind of like freckles, on my hand and asked if she knew what it was from. I let her know that my first job was working at Sonic and when I cut the limes, I got the same type of marks on my hands. Apparently she worked at Sonic too as her first job so she was familiar with the lime marks. Anyway, its chemo stuff and will go away once chemo is over. Only I notice it so it's not that big of a deal and really not that visible.
I've also gotten really tan in the last few weeks. She mentioned this too and reminded me to be really careful in the sun. Find the shade, wear sunblock, blah blah blah.... By the way I LOVE the sun and LOVE the water. But I know its important so I will do my best. Something in the meds leave you pretty exposed to the sun.
The nurse accessed my port and for the first time it didn't hurt! My new tube of Lidocain worked. Wheww! It normally takes Doug and my oncologist to hold my hand while I squeeze hard and cry. And it takes the nurse extra effort to hold me still to get a good blood line. But, I handled it well and didn't shed a tear.
Then it was time to head to the "other side" or the Infusion Room. I was called back and assigned a reclyner this time. Usually I get to pick. Since my appts are early in the morning I usually have one of the first picks. I chose a spot in the back, next to the window, and with my own TV. This time I got the front of the room and was forced to watch the news.
Luckily, I was assigned to my favorite nurse and she began administering the drugs. She explained that since this was a new drug and there are tons scary side effects so she wanted to be able to watch me the whole time. Back pain, cramps, and shortness of breath were the main ones. And of course this drug also carries hot flashes, heart burn, icky stomach feelings, and fatigue. She said my hair may start to grow back with the Taxol - she said she's seen it happen. Wishful thinking?? Possibly - but I'll take all the good news I can get. First the saline dripped through the tubes and into my port to clear the line. Then the nausea medicine followed by a dose of Benadryl, a steroid, and finally the Taxol. The taxol was administered very slow just to make sure I handled it o.k.
I handled the Taxol well. I was just super antsy because I was tired of sitting. The Benadryl made me sleepy. I put on my huge, oversized sunglasses and tried to catch some z's. I was awaken by two men sitting next to me that seemed to be competing in a snoring contest. I was also asked to have my blood pressure taken several times .... so sleep wasn't an option for me.
It was over by 2:30 and the nurse told me I may experience my first hot flash on the way home. I didn't, but I did tell Doug that I wanted to go swimming ... maybe that was the beginning of a hot flash. On the way home, I slept and when we got home I took a two hour nap. I woke up sweating - there's my first hot flash.
It's been a busy last few weeks. Things don't slow down for me and I am still having a problem over committing myself. We had Austin's birthday part at the skate rink on Sunday and then invited some of his friends over to go swimming. We got out of the pool at 9pm so it was a late day. We had a blast skating though! I highly suggest you put on a pair of roller skates if you haven't done so in the last 10 years. It feels great to feel like a kid again.
Addison started swimming also (more like dog paddling and floundering around) - so I enrolled her in swim lessons. She loves it! I also signed her up for soccer. Doug will coach and her first game will be sometime in September. It seems young but Austin was playing when he was 3. Regardless, it'll be really cute and she's really excited to have her dad coach and play with her best friend!
A couple of weeks ago I woke up with the smell of chemo in nose (another side effect). I couldn't get ride of it. I tried taking shower, blowing my nose, and just not thinking about it. That didn't help. My nurse suggested Lemon Drops or anything mint to take away the smell. Apparently this is normal. It's a hospital, cleaning, burning type of smell. So naturally, I booked a trip for mine and Doug's anniversary. We will be heading for the Bahamas for 6 nights in October. As soon as I booked this trip, my nose cleared and I haven't smelled the chemo since! I now have something to look forward to in the near future - I can almost smell the Carribean, white sands, and fruity coctails.
I also over came a huge fear in the last two weeks. It has been a pretty big deal and a huge accomplishment on my part. We were asked to go floating the river in New Braunsfels over Memorial Weekend. My first response was no. How could I? I wear synthetic hair that cannot get wet?! I was sure to be thrown off my tube, slammed into a tree, and lose and ruin my hair. Our very good friends, The Murray's, sent me a text. Wes said put a bandanna on and we won't take no for an answer. So - I went to Michaels and bought several bandannas in black, white, blue, and pink. I put one one and tried the grocery store first. No funny looks suprisingly. Then I tried the bandanna at our neighborhood pool around Austin's friends. No funny looks.... SO I said YES - we would go floating! I put the bandanna on and I felt so much weight fall off my shoulders. Our other friends that we floated with wore bandannas as well. It felt great! There is nothing better than having friends that love you enough to not judge.
Since then, I haven't worn my hair much at all. Doug and I joke often about how our GIVE A SHIT METER is close to empty - if not completely empty. The litttle things don't phase me and I have an attitude of someone that I have never known before. Don't get me wrong - I love to hang out with my friends, listen to them bitch about their husbands, drink wine and talk dirty diapers. But on the other hand, I don't have the patience for conversations regarding bad hair days - that's just me right now ...
I have also sat down several times to complete my thank you cards. I'm trying to write thank you cards from February after my hospital visit and initial surgery. Everytime I do I start to feel sick to my stomach. I don't knwo what it is, but my stomach gets in knots and this horrible feeling comes over me. I have decided to wait until my treatments are over. I'll go ahead and apologize now - you will receive one in October :) Thanks for understanding.
So as of today, I have 5 down and 11 more treatments to go. Hopefully these 11 move quickly. They really should as they are weekly.
Thanks for reading and staying interested in my life. xxo - Mindy
I showed her a few brown spots, kind of like freckles, on my hand and asked if she knew what it was from. I let her know that my first job was working at Sonic and when I cut the limes, I got the same type of marks on my hands. Apparently she worked at Sonic too as her first job so she was familiar with the lime marks. Anyway, its chemo stuff and will go away once chemo is over. Only I notice it so it's not that big of a deal and really not that visible.
I've also gotten really tan in the last few weeks. She mentioned this too and reminded me to be really careful in the sun. Find the shade, wear sunblock, blah blah blah.... By the way I LOVE the sun and LOVE the water. But I know its important so I will do my best. Something in the meds leave you pretty exposed to the sun.
The nurse accessed my port and for the first time it didn't hurt! My new tube of Lidocain worked. Wheww! It normally takes Doug and my oncologist to hold my hand while I squeeze hard and cry. And it takes the nurse extra effort to hold me still to get a good blood line. But, I handled it well and didn't shed a tear.
Then it was time to head to the "other side" or the Infusion Room. I was called back and assigned a reclyner this time. Usually I get to pick. Since my appts are early in the morning I usually have one of the first picks. I chose a spot in the back, next to the window, and with my own TV. This time I got the front of the room and was forced to watch the news.
Luckily, I was assigned to my favorite nurse and she began administering the drugs. She explained that since this was a new drug and there are tons scary side effects so she wanted to be able to watch me the whole time. Back pain, cramps, and shortness of breath were the main ones. And of course this drug also carries hot flashes, heart burn, icky stomach feelings, and fatigue. She said my hair may start to grow back with the Taxol - she said she's seen it happen. Wishful thinking?? Possibly - but I'll take all the good news I can get. First the saline dripped through the tubes and into my port to clear the line. Then the nausea medicine followed by a dose of Benadryl, a steroid, and finally the Taxol. The taxol was administered very slow just to make sure I handled it o.k.
I handled the Taxol well. I was just super antsy because I was tired of sitting. The Benadryl made me sleepy. I put on my huge, oversized sunglasses and tried to catch some z's. I was awaken by two men sitting next to me that seemed to be competing in a snoring contest. I was also asked to have my blood pressure taken several times .... so sleep wasn't an option for me.
It was over by 2:30 and the nurse told me I may experience my first hot flash on the way home. I didn't, but I did tell Doug that I wanted to go swimming ... maybe that was the beginning of a hot flash. On the way home, I slept and when we got home I took a two hour nap. I woke up sweating - there's my first hot flash.
It's been a busy last few weeks. Things don't slow down for me and I am still having a problem over committing myself. We had Austin's birthday part at the skate rink on Sunday and then invited some of his friends over to go swimming. We got out of the pool at 9pm so it was a late day. We had a blast skating though! I highly suggest you put on a pair of roller skates if you haven't done so in the last 10 years. It feels great to feel like a kid again.
Addison started swimming also (more like dog paddling and floundering around) - so I enrolled her in swim lessons. She loves it! I also signed her up for soccer. Doug will coach and her first game will be sometime in September. It seems young but Austin was playing when he was 3. Regardless, it'll be really cute and she's really excited to have her dad coach and play with her best friend!
A couple of weeks ago I woke up with the smell of chemo in nose (another side effect). I couldn't get ride of it. I tried taking shower, blowing my nose, and just not thinking about it. That didn't help. My nurse suggested Lemon Drops or anything mint to take away the smell. Apparently this is normal. It's a hospital, cleaning, burning type of smell. So naturally, I booked a trip for mine and Doug's anniversary. We will be heading for the Bahamas for 6 nights in October. As soon as I booked this trip, my nose cleared and I haven't smelled the chemo since! I now have something to look forward to in the near future - I can almost smell the Carribean, white sands, and fruity coctails.
I also over came a huge fear in the last two weeks. It has been a pretty big deal and a huge accomplishment on my part. We were asked to go floating the river in New Braunsfels over Memorial Weekend. My first response was no. How could I? I wear synthetic hair that cannot get wet?! I was sure to be thrown off my tube, slammed into a tree, and lose and ruin my hair. Our very good friends, The Murray's, sent me a text. Wes said put a bandanna on and we won't take no for an answer. So - I went to Michaels and bought several bandannas in black, white, blue, and pink. I put one one and tried the grocery store first. No funny looks suprisingly. Then I tried the bandanna at our neighborhood pool around Austin's friends. No funny looks.... SO I said YES - we would go floating! I put the bandanna on and I felt so much weight fall off my shoulders. Our other friends that we floated with wore bandannas as well. It felt great! There is nothing better than having friends that love you enough to not judge.
Since then, I haven't worn my hair much at all. Doug and I joke often about how our GIVE A SHIT METER is close to empty - if not completely empty. The litttle things don't phase me and I have an attitude of someone that I have never known before. Don't get me wrong - I love to hang out with my friends, listen to them bitch about their husbands, drink wine and talk dirty diapers. But on the other hand, I don't have the patience for conversations regarding bad hair days - that's just me right now ...
I have also sat down several times to complete my thank you cards. I'm trying to write thank you cards from February after my hospital visit and initial surgery. Everytime I do I start to feel sick to my stomach. I don't knwo what it is, but my stomach gets in knots and this horrible feeling comes over me. I have decided to wait until my treatments are over. I'll go ahead and apologize now - you will receive one in October :) Thanks for understanding.
So as of today, I have 5 down and 11 more treatments to go. Hopefully these 11 move quickly. They really should as they are weekly.
Thanks for reading and staying interested in my life. xxo - Mindy
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
My Prayer side of it
I never thought I would be in this but I am doing o.k and managing. Thank everyone from the gifts, words of love and encouragement, and all of the prayers and nice thoughts sent my way. I realize that this situation could be worse.
I've never been much of the praying girl. I've always felt that praying was strictly for church-goers, which I haven't been (except for the occasional VBS Trip with Jamie or the Sundays with Laura). The only other times that I've been in the church setting were at all the weddings I've attended and been in. I guess I just assumed praying wasn't for those that didn't attend a Sunday mass. This may sound silly but I've never fully understood it - until now. All of this has changed and while I am still not the extremely religious type, I can truthfully and passionately say that I believe in the power of prayer. My aunt Mari said it best at the beginning of this process and I think about her words often.
I received a handemade prayer shawl from Tressa's church. It was so touching - I had to share the prayer attached to it:
Melinda and her mom and aunt also made a quilt - this is taken with me to my treatments to remind me of the great support from my closest, dearest friends. thank you!!
My mom and I sat on her patio the other day and we talked about how my friends, neighbors, family members and people I don't even know are praying for my returned health and full recovery. This is wild to me and only now do I get how many people breast cancer - my breast cancer has touched.
I find myself lost in prayer a lot. Call me selfish, but I mainly pray for my returned health and acceptance. I think once you mourn over something thats the only thing left. And that's how I have kept my mind sane at times. I think it's helping and I am almost there. I haven't cried over my hair or found myself completely obstructed by my diagnosis every day as I was a month ago. I feel so much stronger. Lately, I've been able to let out a good cry once a week on Doug's shoulder and then have found myself able to move on.
Last month and 3rd Chemo Treatment into this I felt terrible emotionally. The couple of days prior to my treatment are hard and the weeks of my treatments are worse. Even after 5 months of this crap, I still find myself saying I'm a crazy, hormonal, basketcase. My dr says my hormones have been completely affected and that it's completely normal.
I have also been a lot clumbsier than normal. I had lunch with my Dad and Gramma last week and I had to use the restroom. As I was finished and washing my hands I noticed all the urinals.... I opened the door quickly and noticed i was in the men's bathroom. Luckily there was noone else in there with me. I don't know how i would have explained that. I also fell down the stairs on Sunday while rushing to get Addison's tights and dance shoes for her dance recital. I hope the clumbiness will subside once the treatments are over as well. If not, i will be left mortified and bruised ...
We have had a busy few weeks. Addison turned 4 last week, we had our first Dance Recital and I started planning for Austin's 8th Birthday next week. We finished up Baseball. Lost in game two of the tournement, joined the swim team, and had our first swim meet. Austin placed in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of his races. Now that school is almost over and we are down to one sport, we will get prepared for summer camps - SWIM, BASEBALL, and his favorite FOOTBALL. I need a chauffeur so I can sip mimosas while I deliver austin to these camps :)
Rene - our friend and old babysitter is in town. She has been such a help to have around this week. The kids have enjoyed spending time with her but sadly she leaves again for Austrailia this weekend.
Two weeks ago I had blood work done. that's normal after treatments. My white cell count is good. i'm borderline anemic and lacking sodium. Steaks and Salt - mmm
Yesterday was my 4th Chemo treatment. I lost it several times in there. All for VERY good news. This was my last BIG Dose of Chemo treatments! No more of the lengthy days and tired weeks - hopefully. My next cycle will start on Jun 6 and will be every Tuesday for the next 12 weeks. The only hard part is being stuck with the needles. So - I am celebrating while laying in bed watching TV that I AM HALF WAY THROUGH!!!!!! Again, thanks for all the prayers.
Computer dying - gotta run.
I've never been much of the praying girl. I've always felt that praying was strictly for church-goers, which I haven't been (except for the occasional VBS Trip with Jamie or the Sundays with Laura). The only other times that I've been in the church setting were at all the weddings I've attended and been in. I guess I just assumed praying wasn't for those that didn't attend a Sunday mass. This may sound silly but I've never fully understood it - until now. All of this has changed and while I am still not the extremely religious type, I can truthfully and passionately say that I believe in the power of prayer. My aunt Mari said it best at the beginning of this process and I think about her words often.
I received a handemade prayer shawl from Tressa's church. It was so touching - I had to share the prayer attached to it:
Give this shawl the ability to comfort , the ability to hea, the ability to give strength where it is needed. May Mindy know that you are with her and that she is not alone. That she is cared for, loved and prayed for. That your loving arms are around her to protect her and heal her, whenever se puts this shawl on. Lord, thank you for the blessings that this shawl is given. Amen.
--By the Prayer Shawl Ministry of the Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit, Dripping Springs
Melinda and her mom and aunt also made a quilt - this is taken with me to my treatments to remind me of the great support from my closest, dearest friends. thank you!!
My mom and I sat on her patio the other day and we talked about how my friends, neighbors, family members and people I don't even know are praying for my returned health and full recovery. This is wild to me and only now do I get how many people breast cancer - my breast cancer has touched.
I find myself lost in prayer a lot. Call me selfish, but I mainly pray for my returned health and acceptance. I think once you mourn over something thats the only thing left. And that's how I have kept my mind sane at times. I think it's helping and I am almost there. I haven't cried over my hair or found myself completely obstructed by my diagnosis every day as I was a month ago. I feel so much stronger. Lately, I've been able to let out a good cry once a week on Doug's shoulder and then have found myself able to move on.
Last month and 3rd Chemo Treatment into this I felt terrible emotionally. The couple of days prior to my treatment are hard and the weeks of my treatments are worse. Even after 5 months of this crap, I still find myself saying I'm a crazy, hormonal, basketcase. My dr says my hormones have been completely affected and that it's completely normal.
I have also been a lot clumbsier than normal. I had lunch with my Dad and Gramma last week and I had to use the restroom. As I was finished and washing my hands I noticed all the urinals.... I opened the door quickly and noticed i was in the men's bathroom. Luckily there was noone else in there with me. I don't know how i would have explained that. I also fell down the stairs on Sunday while rushing to get Addison's tights and dance shoes for her dance recital. I hope the clumbiness will subside once the treatments are over as well. If not, i will be left mortified and bruised ...
We have had a busy few weeks. Addison turned 4 last week, we had our first Dance Recital and I started planning for Austin's 8th Birthday next week. We finished up Baseball. Lost in game two of the tournement, joined the swim team, and had our first swim meet. Austin placed in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of his races. Now that school is almost over and we are down to one sport, we will get prepared for summer camps - SWIM, BASEBALL, and his favorite FOOTBALL. I need a chauffeur so I can sip mimosas while I deliver austin to these camps :)
Rene - our friend and old babysitter is in town. She has been such a help to have around this week. The kids have enjoyed spending time with her but sadly she leaves again for Austrailia this weekend.
Two weeks ago I had blood work done. that's normal after treatments. My white cell count is good. i'm borderline anemic and lacking sodium. Steaks and Salt - mmm
Yesterday was my 4th Chemo treatment. I lost it several times in there. All for VERY good news. This was my last BIG Dose of Chemo treatments! No more of the lengthy days and tired weeks - hopefully. My next cycle will start on Jun 6 and will be every Tuesday for the next 12 weeks. The only hard part is being stuck with the needles. So - I am celebrating while laying in bed watching TV that I AM HALF WAY THROUGH!!!!!! Again, thanks for all the prayers.
Computer dying - gotta run.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Writing from the Infusion Room
Last night I went to sleep with a ton of anxiety. I seem to be more "on edge" the night before treatment. Like a good girl, I took my xanax, ambien, and had a nice long relaxing bath. I worked almost 12 hours yesterday so that today and tomorrow I could fully take andvantage of our guest bedroom and pretend to be staying in a hotel. My parents are keeping both Addison and Austin and I plan to do nothing but relax for 2 days. I can't be without my energy for as long as I was last time.
I arrived to the Infusion Room and took my seat next to the window. They hooked me up through my port and the meds have begun. I decided that right now would be a good time to catch all of you up and to put my recent feelings down. I opened my computer and caught a glimpse of my reflection. Needles and wires and the tower of medicine next me shocked me for a short second. I'm still having trouble making this a reality.
There are about 20 other people having a treatment at the same time. One lady across from me is wearing a bright pink baseball hat with rhinestones. I assume she has breast cancer and is a proud survivor. Another is paying her bills and bitching to herself - something about Medicaid. A man is next to me visiting with his wife over a salad and another woman just walked in with a purple bandana and a pink shirt that says PEACE on it. I just watched someone get "accessed" thru their port and their drugs have started. I can't help but wonder what type of cancer everyon has. Some look like they will be here all day with the amount of stuff they brought with them. The woman in the pink rhinestone hat just fell asleep - she looks so peaceful and comfortable. There are about 8 nurses moving from patient to patient handing out crackers, checking the medicine bags, and comfort levels. I am sitting eavesdropping and listening to my medicine trickle through my body. I'm the nosey one ...
Doug just left to go grab us some lunch and a HUGE Iced Tea. I would do just about anything for an iced tea right about now. When he left I tuned into a MTV and found 16 and Pregnant. I turned it off after my Infusion Nurse, Pat, came over and made some silly jokes about how ridiculous that show is. We talked about how I don't feel as guilty watching crap like that here as I would at home. Pat just gave me her life story in a nutshell. She and her "partner" Susan have a 14 yr old son. She was the pregnant one and her partner adopted him. They love costa rica and will eventually retire there once their son goes away to College. Pat has been my favorite Infusion Nurse so far!
2 weeks ago I received a gift card from my VERY special friends. It was a gift card to Top This. Thank you to ALL of you that contributed!! My doctor just released me for an Oncology massage so I'll be scheduling that there very soon!
I turned off my phone today and put an auto responder on my email. I plan to do a little work but just the minimum today and tomorrow. If you are looking for me, know that i'm o.k - just want some time to rest. I'm pretty sure Aunt Kay is dropping off another delicious dinner tonight. I can't wait to see what it is - everything she makes is awesome!
My salad, fruit and more importantly my ICE TEA is here! Later .....
I arrived to the Infusion Room and took my seat next to the window. They hooked me up through my port and the meds have begun. I decided that right now would be a good time to catch all of you up and to put my recent feelings down. I opened my computer and caught a glimpse of my reflection. Needles and wires and the tower of medicine next me shocked me for a short second. I'm still having trouble making this a reality.
There are about 20 other people having a treatment at the same time. One lady across from me is wearing a bright pink baseball hat with rhinestones. I assume she has breast cancer and is a proud survivor. Another is paying her bills and bitching to herself - something about Medicaid. A man is next to me visiting with his wife over a salad and another woman just walked in with a purple bandana and a pink shirt that says PEACE on it. I just watched someone get "accessed" thru their port and their drugs have started. I can't help but wonder what type of cancer everyon has. Some look like they will be here all day with the amount of stuff they brought with them. The woman in the pink rhinestone hat just fell asleep - she looks so peaceful and comfortable. There are about 8 nurses moving from patient to patient handing out crackers, checking the medicine bags, and comfort levels. I am sitting eavesdropping and listening to my medicine trickle through my body. I'm the nosey one ...
Doug just left to go grab us some lunch and a HUGE Iced Tea. I would do just about anything for an iced tea right about now. When he left I tuned into a MTV and found 16 and Pregnant. I turned it off after my Infusion Nurse, Pat, came over and made some silly jokes about how ridiculous that show is. We talked about how I don't feel as guilty watching crap like that here as I would at home. Pat just gave me her life story in a nutshell. She and her "partner" Susan have a 14 yr old son. She was the pregnant one and her partner adopted him. They love costa rica and will eventually retire there once their son goes away to College. Pat has been my favorite Infusion Nurse so far!
2 weeks ago I received a gift card from my VERY special friends. It was a gift card to Top This. Thank you to ALL of you that contributed!! My doctor just released me for an Oncology massage so I'll be scheduling that there very soon!
I turned off my phone today and put an auto responder on my email. I plan to do a little work but just the minimum today and tomorrow. If you are looking for me, know that i'm o.k - just want some time to rest. I'm pretty sure Aunt Kay is dropping off another delicious dinner tonight. I can't wait to see what it is - everything she makes is awesome!
My salad, fruit and more importantly my ICE TEA is here! Later .....
Monday, April 11, 2011
RAISING Awareness for Breast Cancer
It was only a matter of time before my wheels started turning on ways to help OTHER young women and mothers experiencing this horrible phase that some unfortunately encounter in their lifetime. I've decided that it is my obligation to help raise the awareness for breast cancer and I am going to fight like hell for the rest of my life until we are all AWARE!
definition Awareness: having knowledge of
SO many women are affected by Breast Cancer - (and all other Cancers - this one just happens to hit home with me). I hear a small voice telling me to educate, speak about IT, stand strong, be a friend and rock to someone who needs it, and more than anything to be a Survivor. When I'm done with my treatments and my energy levels come back and I return to the "old Mindy", I will be all over the place trying to help others in this situation. This is a down right scary time and I want to give back by educating and raising awareness.
I have read TONS of books from Crazy Sexy Cancer, Stand By Her, Dr Susan Love's The Breast Book, and every piece of literature and pamphlet thrown my way. I have researched, compared my notes from my surgeons, and changed our way of living. This will be shocking to most because you probably know that never, in my adult years, would I have ever picked up any reading material that didn't say "US Weekly or People". But I feel a NEED to know EVERYTHING about breast cancer.
Here are some Very Scary but REAL Statistics, but because of my new found obsession I felt the need to include these here:
* One in 8 women will get breast cancer in her lifetime
* Breast Cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54
* 70% of breast cancer occur in women without a family history of the disease
* There are more than 250,000 women UNDER the age of 40 and currently living with breast cancer
* Breast Cancer in women under 50 is more agressive and virulent
* The five year survival rate for young women with Breast Cancer is 83%
On a different note - but still the same .... My treatment was last week (Tuesday). The days following were terrible. I was sick, tired, and I had a near fainting spell at Waterloo on Saturday from the heat. I napped often and was in bed by 7pm most nights. I caught myself thinking: "If I go to bed now then I'll get to the next day much sooner and start feeling a little better". I've never considered myself as lame or boring, but that's me right now. I'm finally feeling better and have some energy back. My treadmill is calling my name! I guess its safe to assume that my treatment weeks are going to be tough. Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 SUCK. I've got 2 weeks of goodness until my next one. Got so much to do!!
definition Awareness: having knowledge of
SO many women are affected by Breast Cancer - (and all other Cancers - this one just happens to hit home with me). I hear a small voice telling me to educate, speak about IT, stand strong, be a friend and rock to someone who needs it, and more than anything to be a Survivor. When I'm done with my treatments and my energy levels come back and I return to the "old Mindy", I will be all over the place trying to help others in this situation. This is a down right scary time and I want to give back by educating and raising awareness.
I have read TONS of books from Crazy Sexy Cancer, Stand By Her, Dr Susan Love's The Breast Book, and every piece of literature and pamphlet thrown my way. I have researched, compared my notes from my surgeons, and changed our way of living. This will be shocking to most because you probably know that never, in my adult years, would I have ever picked up any reading material that didn't say "US Weekly or People". But I feel a NEED to know EVERYTHING about breast cancer.
Here are some Very Scary but REAL Statistics, but because of my new found obsession I felt the need to include these here:
* One in 8 women will get breast cancer in her lifetime
* Breast Cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54
* 70% of breast cancer occur in women without a family history of the disease
* There are more than 250,000 women UNDER the age of 40 and currently living with breast cancer
* Breast Cancer in women under 50 is more agressive and virulent
* The five year survival rate for young women with Breast Cancer is 83%
On a different note - but still the same .... My treatment was last week (Tuesday). The days following were terrible. I was sick, tired, and I had a near fainting spell at Waterloo on Saturday from the heat. I napped often and was in bed by 7pm most nights. I caught myself thinking: "If I go to bed now then I'll get to the next day much sooner and start feeling a little better". I've never considered myself as lame or boring, but that's me right now. I'm finally feeling better and have some energy back. My treadmill is calling my name! I guess its safe to assume that my treatment weeks are going to be tough. Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 SUCK. I've got 2 weeks of goodness until my next one. Got so much to do!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Chemo Treatment - Day 3
My treatment on Tuesday went well. I saw my Oncologist first who I had remind me why we are doing this again. I guess there is still that thought of "did someone switch my lab results? did someone have a mix up in the radiologist department? Was someone tampering with my slides?" So she reminded me and again used the word "CURED" with me. So, I'm happy to report that my doctor says they are very optimistic about me being CURED from breast cancer - AFTER chemo.
Well hell, chemo down right SUCKS! I've had allergies, I've had the flu, I've had a cold, I've been pregnant, and I've given birth. This tops it! I'm helpless and doing everyhting I can to stay focused on my day to day activities. Kids in and out of the house, in and out of school, to and from baseball games and practices, and still trying to help run a business and keep my work from piling up on top of me.
My social life has gotten more and more complicated as well. I love all of my friends and I love to see them. I just feel so damned embarassed and tired and definitely not myself. The chemo kills not only the bad cells, but it kills the good ones too. It's doing a pretty big job and I can only concentrate on getting my body back to recovery before my next chemo blast hits me. If my white blood cells aren't back to normal by the next round, they will put it off - SO it is in my very BEST interest to rest and relax my body and bring it back to (somewhat) normal. And now I know it does a little more on me each time.
This past session on Tuesday left me a little nauceous. I'm at Day 3 from my treatment. I have the world's weakest stomach already and the queasiest little feeling has me thinking I am dying. Not to be a complete hypocondriac, but my stomach is a very sensitive one. This will come to a suprise to most and just so you knwo that I am not in my right sorts - Wine sounds terrible to me. Hopefully this is temporary :)
I have 2 more sessions of this coctail to go. One on April 26 and the next on May 17th. I have heard from my doctors that the mix I am on is more potent than the next 3 months. Beginning in May 24th I will begin to go to every week but apparently that isn't nearly as brutal as this one. Beginning May 24th I will have 12 weekly sessions and then I'm done! I can't wait long enough for August to roll around.
that's it for now - Mom's on her way over to help out while I drift off for a nap. Thanks MOM!
Well hell, chemo down right SUCKS! I've had allergies, I've had the flu, I've had a cold, I've been pregnant, and I've given birth. This tops it! I'm helpless and doing everyhting I can to stay focused on my day to day activities. Kids in and out of the house, in and out of school, to and from baseball games and practices, and still trying to help run a business and keep my work from piling up on top of me.
My social life has gotten more and more complicated as well. I love all of my friends and I love to see them. I just feel so damned embarassed and tired and definitely not myself. The chemo kills not only the bad cells, but it kills the good ones too. It's doing a pretty big job and I can only concentrate on getting my body back to recovery before my next chemo blast hits me. If my white blood cells aren't back to normal by the next round, they will put it off - SO it is in my very BEST interest to rest and relax my body and bring it back to (somewhat) normal. And now I know it does a little more on me each time.
This past session on Tuesday left me a little nauceous. I'm at Day 3 from my treatment. I have the world's weakest stomach already and the queasiest little feeling has me thinking I am dying. Not to be a complete hypocondriac, but my stomach is a very sensitive one. This will come to a suprise to most and just so you knwo that I am not in my right sorts - Wine sounds terrible to me. Hopefully this is temporary :)
I have 2 more sessions of this coctail to go. One on April 26 and the next on May 17th. I have heard from my doctors that the mix I am on is more potent than the next 3 months. Beginning in May 24th I will begin to go to every week but apparently that isn't nearly as brutal as this one. Beginning May 24th I will have 12 weekly sessions and then I'm done! I can't wait long enough for August to roll around.
that's it for now - Mom's on her way over to help out while I drift off for a nap. Thanks MOM!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Update and Chemo Therapy
It's been a while since I have updated my process... I'll go back about a few weeks ago. So much has happened and I wish I had been updating daily so that I wasn't stuck trying to remember.
Let's recap - on Jan 21st I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer. On Feb 16th I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction. My healing began and I THOUGHT that was it! Two weeks after my surgery, my lab results of the tumor were in. An Oncotype test determined that the genes in that little annoying tumor were "agressive" and Chemo Therapy was recommended. I went in for another surgery (while still healing from the intial one) to get a Portacath put in. It was outpatient surgery and I think I was out for only 30 min.
The Portacath (also called a "port") was placed in my under my skin on my chest near my right shoulder. It was pretty uncomfortable. It will stay there until chemo is complete and will have to be surgically removed. So - this is where the TOXINS (or "Chemo") are administered. The Port has a cathether that goes under my collar bone then takes a dive towards my heart. From there the toxins are pumped to my entire body in an effort to kill any last cancer cells (if any). I have attached a picture of what the Port looks like - Yes, it is purple...
Let's recap - on Jan 21st I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer. On Feb 16th I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction. My healing began and I THOUGHT that was it! Two weeks after my surgery, my lab results of the tumor were in. An Oncotype test determined that the genes in that little annoying tumor were "agressive" and Chemo Therapy was recommended. I went in for another surgery (while still healing from the intial one) to get a Portacath put in. It was outpatient surgery and I think I was out for only 30 min.
The Portacath (also called a "port") was placed in my under my skin on my chest near my right shoulder. It was pretty uncomfortable. It will stay there until chemo is complete and will have to be surgically removed. So - this is where the TOXINS (or "Chemo") are administered. The Port has a cathether that goes under my collar bone then takes a dive towards my heart. From there the toxins are pumped to my entire body in an effort to kill any last cancer cells (if any). I have attached a picture of what the Port looks like - Yes, it is purple...
My initial reaction to hearing "we recommend chemo" was devastating. I thought hearing "you have cancer" was bad... That was nothing compared to these words!
I had Chemo Class on Thurs, March 10th. I was in a room with 4 other families. One person from each family was in my same boat - but all with a different cancer and at a different stage. I was told my treatments were going to be the shortest of the group's. My treatments will last from 2 to 3 hours each time. My schedule was also a lot different from those others. Needless to say, i was the youngest one in there and bawled my eyes out thru the entire informational session. I felt like a complete basket case - these other people just "took" the news as if they expected this. I, on the otherhand, felt like I had been given a death sentence and was having a hard time accepting this news.
My sessions are every 21 days for the first 3 months. the Second 3 months my chemo treatments will be every week! That's a total of 16 sessions and 6 months of this shit. I'll celebrate my last day of Chemo sometime in August.
In the class, at my first Oncologist appt, and at my first Chemo Treatment i was told (3 times) that one of the side effects is losing my hair along with extreme fatigue. I guess the doctors and nurses felt like I was ignoring this statement and I needed to be told again and again. This has been the hardest of all and this is why I felt a need for a Private Blog. From here on, it's raw emotion. I knew when Chemo was suggested that this was going to happen and thats why it was so disbturbing to me to hear it.
My first chemo session was on Tuesday, March 15th. It lasted almost 4 hours. First I saw my Oncologist who reminded me everything would be o.k. and that the reason we are going this route is because she believes I'll be CURED when this is over. The nurse came in, found my port and stuck a needle through my chest and into the rubbery part of the port. Then the Toxins came. It was actually pretty comfortable. There's WIFI so Doug plugged away on his email and I sat in a reclyner with my new IPAD given by Tina and Rick with my soft pink fuzzy blanket from Timberli. There are tvs, snacks, and drinks, and about 20 other people getting some sort of the chemo coctail also. it wasn't so bad and I have to admit, I think I handled it like a champ!
I was told to get rid of my hair so that I didn't have to deal with losing it on its own. Apparently that is more overwhelming to most women. I was also told that because of the type of person I am - in control most of the time that I would want to be in control of THIS as much as possible.
My hair has always been part of me ... I know it doesn't "define" me, but it is part of me. It wasn't the best - long, blonde, thin, and most of the time unmanageable but IT WAS MINE and I could do what I wanted to with it!! I put away my blow dryer, my straightener, and my fancy hair products. My poney tail holders now belong to Addison. It felt as if something or someone had died leading up to my buzz cut. I mourned like I had never mourned before and I cried like nothing else.
This will sound funny and ridiculous to some, but I don't care ... Losing my real breasts was not nearly as upsetting as losing my hair. It's different for everyone and for me this was the most miserable point in my life! I told Doug that I had never been this sad before and even when I say it (or write) it now, it brings tears to my eyes.
Cutting my hair happened last Wednesday, March 23. It doesn't seem that long ago but it feels lieke an eternity to me. That day will forever be a day etched in my brain. I'll always remember the Journey song playing, I'll remember looking in the mirror and taking that deep breath before building up the courage to say"I'm Ready" and I'll remember the champagne Doug and I drank silently with tears in our eyes.
I have new hair now, obviously it's not mine. It's darker but the same length. It's heavy and thick but manageable. It's actually a ton easier than using the Root Booster, a blow dryer, and flat iron. I thought I would never go outside of my house once I got to this point - BUT I have shocked the shit out of myself and apparently my mom as well. The next day I put on my hair, played with it for a bit, and mustered up enough courage to go to Austin's first baseball game of the season. I was glad I did - Austin was the first batter of the night and hit a ball up past Center Field and scored a Home Run. Moments like those make my hair issues seem minor.
I've got one session down and another one coming up on Tuesday. After that, I'll have 14 more to go. Positive thinking!! I have never wanted time to pass so quickly as I do now. I look forward to every summer but this is definitely not one of them. This is going to be a tough year but I am determined to get through it without letting IT get the best of me.
Sometimes I feel defeated, humiliated, and exhausted. When those thoughts arrive I quickly rearrange them into thinking about how incredibly lucky I am that I found my breast cancer and that we moved quickly. I think about all of the choices I have had through out the last few months and realize that I have no regrets. I refocus on the positives and the overwhelming amount of support I have received.
BIG HUGS - MINDY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)