My Prayer side of it

I never thought I would be in this but I am doing o.k and managing.  Thank everyone from the gifts, words of love and encouragement, and all of the prayers and nice thoughts sent my way.  I realize that this situation could be worse. 

I've never been much of the praying girl.  I've always felt that praying was strictly for church-goers, which I haven't been (except for the occasional VBS Trip with Jamie or the Sundays with Laura).  The only other times that I've been in the church setting were at all the weddings I've attended and been in.  I guess I just assumed praying wasn't for those that didn't attend a Sunday mass.  This may sound silly but I've never fully understood it - until now.  All of this has changed and while I am still not the extremely religious type, I can truthfully and passionately say that I believe in the power of prayer.  My aunt Mari said it best at the beginning of this process and I think about her words often.  

I received a handemade prayer shawl from Tressa's church.  It was so touching - I had to share the prayer attached to it:

Give this shawl the ability to comfort , the ability to hea, the ability to give strength where it is needed.  May Mindy know that you are with her and that she is not alone.  That she is cared for, loved and prayed for.  That your loving arms are around her to protect her and heal her, whenever se puts this shawl on.  Lord, thank you for the blessings that this shawl is given.  Amen.

--By the Prayer Shawl Ministry of the Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit, Dripping Springs

Melinda and her mom and aunt also made a quilt - this is taken with me to my treatments to remind me of the great support from my closest, dearest friends.  thank you!!

My mom and I sat on her patio the other day and we talked about how my friends, neighbors, family members and people I don't even know are praying for my returned health and full recovery.  This is wild to me and only now do I get how many people breast cancer - my breast cancer has touched.

I find myself lost in prayer a lot.  Call me selfish, but I mainly pray for my returned health and acceptance.  I think once you mourn over something thats the only thing left.  And that's how I have kept my mind sane at times.  I think it's helping and I am almost there.  I haven't cried over my hair or found myself completely obstructed by my diagnosis every day as I was a month ago.  I feel so much stronger.  Lately, I've been able to let out a good cry once a week on Doug's shoulder and then have found myself  able to move on. 

Last month and 3rd Chemo Treatment into this I felt terrible emotionally.  The couple of days prior to my treatment are hard and the weeks of my treatments are worse. Even after 5 months of this crap, I still find myself saying I'm a crazy, hormonal, basketcase.  My dr says my hormones have been completely affected and that it's completely normal.

I have also been a lot clumbsier than normal.  I had lunch with my Dad and Gramma last week and I had to use the restroom.  As I was finished and washing my hands I noticed all the urinals.... I opened the door quickly and noticed i was in the men's bathroom.  Luckily there was noone else in there with me.  I don't know how i would have explained that.  I also fell down the stairs on Sunday while rushing to get Addison's tights and dance shoes for her dance recital.  I hope the clumbiness will subside once the treatments are over as well.  If not, i will be left mortified and bruised ...

We have had a busy few weeks.  Addison turned 4 last week, we had our first Dance Recital and I started planning for Austin's 8th Birthday next week.  We finished up Baseball.  Lost in game two of the tournement, joined the swim team, and had our first swim meet.  Austin placed in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of his races.  Now that school is almost over and we are down to one sport, we will get prepared for summer camps - SWIM, BASEBALL, and his favorite FOOTBALL.  I need a chauffeur so I can sip mimosas while I deliver austin to these camps :)

Rene - our friend and old babysitter is in town.  She has been such a help to have around this week.  The kids have enjoyed spending time with her but sadly she leaves again for Austrailia this weekend. 

Two weeks ago I had blood work done.  that's normal after treatments.  My white cell count is good.   i'm borderline anemic and lacking sodium.  Steaks and Salt - mmm

Yesterday was my 4th Chemo treatment.  I lost it several times in there.  All for VERY good news.  This was my last BIG Dose of Chemo treatments!  No more of the lengthy days and tired weeks - hopefully.  My next cycle will start on Jun 6 and will be every Tuesday for the next 12 weeks.  The only hard part is being stuck with the needles.  So - I am celebrating while laying in bed watching TV that I AM HALF WAY THROUGH!!!!!!  Again, thanks for all the prayers.

Computer dying - gotta run.